Empire Recap: Season 2 Episode 9 

We start this episode of Empire in the City of Brotherly Love, with Cookie and Candice still hunting for Carol. Also, I don’t know how I missed this last episode but apparently Cookie’s real name is “Loretha.” Yeah, I would have gone with “Cookie” too.

The sisters are having no luck tracking Carol down so Cookie enlists the help of a former prison friend, Pepper (randomly played by Rosie O’Donnell) who wastes no time in getting hold of Carol. Carol is happily in the middle of a drug binge and seems fine where she is until Cookie and Candice remind her of the children she happily left behind.

The trio sits down to a meal at a diner where Cookie and Candice offer Carol to live with one of them until she gets back on her feet. In the easiest and quickest decision ever, Carol opts to stay with Cookie but her smugness in delivering the news to Candace is quickly cut short when Candace reminds her that she’s lucky Cookie still doesn’t know what she did while Cookie was locked up. Ooh a mystery! And I’d bet my bottom dollar that Lucious is involved somehow. I definitely wouldn’t put it past Lucious to sleep with his incarcerated wife’s younger sister.

His gig with Pepsi also has Jamal working with Alicia Keys, sorry “Sky Summers”, so cue the bombastic, slightly off-key ballad that’s sure to follow. We are not disappointed when Jamal wanders in on Alicia, sorry “Sky” screeching her way through a mawkish-sounding ballad. She confides in Jamal that this (!) is the kind of music she’d rather be doing instead of her “sorority girl pop” music that her label demands.

Members of the Cowboys, growing impatient with Laz’s long con, storm into the studio where Hakeem and Laura are rehearsing for the upcoming Cookout, intending to rob Lyon Dynasty there and then. Laz dissuades them by pulling out a gun before they get as far as the rehearsal space so I guess that kills the relationship Laz had with his boys.

Out of the blue, Lucious gifts Andre and Rhonda with a spanking new 6-bedroom mansion in order to adequately provide for his soon-to-be grandson and I’m sure this will have no strings in the future….

Anika, who inexplicably now has an entire stalker wall dedicated to Hakeem and Laura, meets up with her new BFF Rhonda in her mansion and gets it into her head to use her as yet unborn child to get what she wants from the Lyons too. She shows up at a party Hakeem is holding at his apartment just to insult Laura and leave.  Hakeem lets her know that no matter how long she hangs around like a bad smell, she’ll never be a Lyon. I don’t know what the writers are doing but they’ve really got to do better by Anika. Her scenes are just pathetically sad now.

Andre comes up with a plan to expedite the Swiftstream deal- Lucious can use his masters as collateral. However, Cookie still owns half of all his earlier music so he has his work cut out getting her to agree to the terms.

Lucious, who clearly has trouble letting things go, offers Hakeem yet another chance to regain his last name, get his own 6-bedroom mansion, and get in on the Swiftstream deal by re-signing to Empire. Hakeem, trying hard to keep his spot as my favorite Lyon brother this season, summarily tells him where to go.

The fails keep coming for Lucious as Cookie also turns him down in no uncertain terms when he approaches her about securing the release of his masters.

Lucious, in a fit of pique, manages to find everything out about Laz and reveals all to Cookie. Cookie is understandably devastated and Laz’s assertions that all his trickery was before he fell for Cookie fall on deaf ears. She leaves Laz in a room with Lucious and his henchmen and his fate is left hanging in the balance.

As usual, Empire saves the most nonsensical moment for last and this week’s is courtesy of Jamal. After treating us to a dry duet with Sky and lines like “thank you for letting me see the real you”, Jamal and Sky share an equally dry kiss. Guess Jamal’s not as gay as we (and he) thought!

Next week’s Fall finale seems to be heavy on the WTF just like I like it and I can’t wait.

written by Altius Tendo